Things I learnt from playing Zettai Fukuju Meirei

This topic came up on aarinfantasy a while back, perhaps you've seen it? The link to the thread itself is here but here's the list so far:

1. If you're rich and come from a good family, you can get a high rank in the German military and stay in nice quarters.You're also allowed to keep your blond hair butt-long. You're a guy but can have a girly name "Louise".

2. Rich, upper-class Germans are decadent, immoral people who have nothing better to do other than spending their time holding pretentious salons which actually end up in drug-addled orgies in the private bedrooms. They also cheat on their spouses and don't mind if their eight year old sons get deflowered by paedophiles.Working-class people are honest and innocent.

3. Kia carries his German shepherd constantly over his shoulder as a fashion statement. He also likes to keep his motorcyle goggles on even when having sex.

4.Nobody wants to be uke because it's not macho. Being seme is ok and manly.

5.Be careful of the Russians around you. Russian librarians by day are actually sexy KGB spies by night. They steal national secrets by setting "honey traps" (i.e. sleeping around)

6. If you really hate your long-time rival and am jealous of his success with women, re-examine your true feelings for him. Actually, you may be unconsciously in love with him.

7.The Italian mafia has German branches.

8.Ugly, deformed people are not only ugly physically but are voyeuristic perverts as well because they can't get laid. Keep away from shotas.

9.It's possible to jump the Berlin wall on your motorcyle and escape unscathed without getting caught by military authorities.

10.Never hire a male tutor if your son is an innocent shota who looks like a blond-haired angel. He may be taught things outside the curriculum.

11.Rich, Arabian princes have harems full of women but don't mind extending their tastes.They're allowed to have male concubines/consorts. (Someone explain to me why Japanese have a fetish for Arabian princes! Is it the harem thing? There are Arabian princes in Love Mode, Prince x Prince and some more I can't remember)

12.If you hate your father who is a pillar of the community,the best way to get back at him is to ruin his reputation by running away from home and becoming a male prostitute at a high-class brothel.

13.Super-devout trainee priests are actually unhappy closet cases who are sublimating their homosexuality in the love of God. (Wait, I don't need to learn this from BL) Latest reference: Ted Haggard.

Since God can see everything that goes on anyway, it's hot to have sex in front of the church altar He gets a front row seat.

14. If your underage soccer star is sleeping with too many of his slutty female fans, it's a good idea to hire somebody to turn him gay to avoid scandal.

15 Gallagher is so large and muscular that he cannot find a shirt that can fit him so he goes for an outfit out of "The Birdcage" that consists only of cuffs and a necktie.

16.Medical equipment, telephone cord and multiple toothbrushes all make good sex toys. Be creative!

17. Military attire is sexy.

18. All young women are bimbos with enormous boobs.

19. Bishies look normal with their clothes on but when they're nude they have hips like women.

20. During sex scenes, mysterious translucent cones of light will appear around the victim.

22. Langmaor got the sound effects from a CD called "cheesy sex scene noises" They use it for all their games.

23 Men's underwear appear to be as thin and flimsy as paper

24. The game is set in Germany but it's full of bizarre Engrish. The Japanese character descriptions make perfect sense but the English version reads as exactly as if it was run through Babelfish. Too cheap to hire a translator?

25. If you hate romancing your target because he has bad taste, it's a good idea to try to pass on the mission to your partner's German Shepherd because it/he? has a sensitive soul and likes Ferdinand's perfume....(Yayy, for dog rape! Pity Kia objects)

Any others you can add?

Those were hilarious XD XD Hmm lemme see if I can up with some...

1) German soldiers were tight leather jackets and allowed to carry whips

2) It's okay to beat your client in front of your target just to prove a point that violence is wrong

3) First get paid before undertake the mission, so you wouldn't' care to betray your client coz you got paid from him anyway

4) Apparently for aristocrats money grow on trees, coz the client pay the agents even if they're canceling the job

5) It's okay that a 8 year old son knows that his parents have orgies and sleep with more lovers than they count

6) It is easy to have sex after being tortured and raped for long hours lol or falling in love with the rapist

This just made my sleep-deprived day. ilu.

Louise Hardwich wrote:This just made my sleep-deprived day. ilu.

If you mean because there's a lot of mocking, I personally didn't mean to make fun of the game, I mean I love the game but on the other hand nothing should be taken too seriously

...What? No, this honestly made me laugh. A lot.

I was having an otherwise cruddy morning, and this provided my first laugh of the day. ;D

Louise Hardwich wrote:...What? No, this honestly made me laugh. A lot.

I was having an otherwise cruddy morning, and this provided my first laugh of the day. ;D

oooh okay XD XD guess I misunderstood sorry

"Holds back a laugh." Oh god...that just wins.

Oh I got more ideas... XD

1) One can get a hard on by just looking to another dude and you confess your love the next day

2) ANEL sounds very much like a nice looking bishie who's likely love taking it in the backside XD

3) HARDwhich sounds suggestive in Louise's agent business card

I didn't learn anything. I already know everything about teh ghey sechs!!

Oh I came up with some thing else

*They never wear condoms at any time nor any place XD

Freaky_Feline wrote:Oh I came up with some thing else

*They never wear condoms at any time nor any place XD

Yeah it seems STDs are nonexistant along with pubic hair. Oh and its apparently possible for people as ditzy and volatile as Berti to become surgeons. I mean, he's a terrific guy and all but I wouldn't trust him to cut me open and not mess up my insides.

Oh you could really come up with lots of these I'll have to take note of some next time I play the game.

Electricfish wrote:

Freaky_Feline wrote:Oh I came up with some thing else

*They never wear condoms at any time nor any place XD

Yeah it seems STDs are nonexistant along with pubic hair.

Haha I totally forgot to mention that XD

Electricfish wrote:Oh and its apparently possible for people as ditzy and volatile as Berti to become surgeons. I mean, he's a terrific guy and all but I wouldn't trust him to cut me open and not mess up my insides.

Who knows maybe when he's working, he takes it seriously and he' s very good in doing his job, after all he's the second best surgeon

Yes, there are people known to be geniuses in their career, and simply stupid as far as social life goes. I know a man like that, actually, and his name is (ironically) Barry. He is probably the best mechanic on the job; however, he's also the biggest f-ing idiot I know.

Louise Hardwich wrote:Yes, there are people known to be geniuses in their career, and simply stupid as far as social life goes. I know a man like that, actually, and his name is (ironically) Barry. He is probably the best mechanic on the job; however, he's also the biggest f-ing idiot I know.

Haha I guess you proved my point XD

I know what you two mean, I've met people like that before but I presume being a surgeon, like, say, being a pilot is one of those jobs where you have to be calm and not easily flustered by nature otherwise its just not going to work. Having a twisted personality or being an asshole is one thing but you can't be raving inwardly about your love rival while performing triple bypass.

Electricfish wrote: Having a twisted personality or being an asshole is one thing but you can't be raving inwardly about your love rival while performing triple bypass.

*ROFL* good one XD

Oh I came up with something else, in zetta fukuyu merei, they use the word wieners instead of hot dogs XD which sounds more perverted

Freaky_Feline wrote:Oh I came up with something else, in zetta fukuyu merei, they use the word wieners instead of hot dogs XD which sounds more perverted

Yeah and they're also Kia's favourite food

Electricfish wrote:

Freaky_Feline wrote:Oh I came up with something else, in zetta fukuyu merei, they use the word wieners instead of hot dogs XD which sounds more perverted

Yeah and they're also Kia's favourite food

And what's Kia's favourite weapon? Guns XD

So he likes Guns and Wieners, it makes a lot of sense! *ROFL*

Freaky_Feline wrote:

Electricfish wrote:

Freaky_Feline wrote:Oh I came up with something else, in zetta fukuyu merei, they use the word wieners instead of hot dogs XD which sounds more perverted

Yeah and they're also Kia's favourite food

And what's Kia's favourite weapon? Guns XD

So he likes Guns and Wieners, it makes a lot of sense! *ROFL*

>=D So now we know...now we know why Kia turned out like that. "Rubs hands together."

Silvio Wenzel wrote:

Freaky_Feline wrote:

Electricfish wrote:

Freaky_Feline wrote:Oh I came up with something else, in zetta fukuyu merei, they use the word wieners instead of hot dogs XD which sounds more perverted

Yeah and they're also Kia's favourite food

And what's Kia's favourite weapon? Guns XD

So he likes Guns and Wieners, it makes a lot of sense! *ROFL*

>=D So now we know...now we know why Kia turned out like that. "Rubs hands together."

yea

Kia "I'm the best in the world"

Ashraf "And what are you exactly good at?"

Kia " Guns and sex"

I laughed my ass off on that XD

16.Medical equipment, telephone cord and multiple toothbrushes all make good sex toys. Be creative!

Lets not forget chess pieces.

Here's a few more:

1) Heterosexuality is just a phase that can be bypassed by quick thinking, persistence, and threats.

2) Mens' backsides magically lube themselves up. Beats carrying KY around I suppose.

3) Whips are more useful as makeshift restraints than they are to actually whip things.

4) Louise is warned not to sully the Hardwich name, but never bothers to use a fake one.

[quote="NotaBene"]

Louise is warned not to sully the Hardwich name, but never bothers to use a fake one.

That's quite through XD I think that it's not really a secret job after all XD

Well...considering what his mother used to get up to (and presumably still does), it would be quite a challenge for even Louise to top her deviance. What does one need to do to sully the Hardwich name exactly? It would appear that nothing short of mass genocide would suffice.

NotaBene wrote:Well...considering what he mother used to get up to (and presumably still does), it would be quite a challenge for even Louise to top her deviance. What does one need to do to sully the Hardwich name exactly? It would appear that nothing short of mass genocide would suffice.

yea they seem to be able to cover up anything lol